The Moment I realized.....

.....I'm heading in the wrong direction!

            Have you ever woken up and realized you are not in the place you thought you would be? Have you ever looked in the mirror and was disgusted with what you saw and so angry at yourself for letting yourself go? Have you ever wondered how your life would of been or might turn into if you don't get yourself together?

.....or is it just me?

            Well this is me everyday for the post 10+ years! I let myself go, 100%! I have NO ONE to blame but myself and that's the hardest part sometimes! It's easier to blame other people and situations! Nope, sorry its all me, I did this to myself! How did I get like this? Oh I know......

denial.....laziness.....excuses.....pity.....bullshit and most importantly TIME! Time is evil and can fly by in a blink of an eye! I'm 30 years old, not happy with myself, my body and the way I look overall! I know I can do and be better but I'm just here making up excuses!

       
           So I'm here, feeling disgusted, tired, fat, ugly and miserable! I wonder how I got to this point. Than I remembered....denial....laziness.....excuses.....pity.....bullshit and most importantly TIME!

 I needed to write this down, I needed to read this, I needed me to see how much of a failure I was. I need this so I can flip that button I been looking for! The button that will turn my denial into refusing to ignore the reality. Laziness into being more active than ever! Excuses into being down right honest with myself and my DUMB ass excuses! Pity into realizing the blessings I have and to take full advantage of it! Bullshit into stop playing dumb and realizing how I did this all to myself! And finally....Time, time will forever pass but I need to use the time I have left sparingly! I need to be healthy, inside and out or my life in this world will be short! 

        So here I am, once again starting this journey over again! I'm here to tell you, that this time IS and WILL be different! I will no longer have 50 before pictures, I WILL have my after picture! I will succeed and become healthier! I will turn myself around and be a better me, a better wife and a better mom! I WILL do this and I CAN do this! I will be tracking my recipes, my workouts, my progress on my blog! I told myself I will not get back on my fitness IG until I'm under 200 lbs! I had over 800 followers and it dropped drastically because they knew I was slipping! I want to prove to myself I can do this and prove to everyone else who doubted me I can do this too! 

        Come watch me, come join me, come celebrate the new me, the new Christina! I'm here and I'm not going anywhere! So tomorrow I start! I'm going to make my menu for the week, I'm going to get my workout schedule together, I'm even going to weigh in! My moment of truth because I haven't weight in, in about a week! I'm ready this time, ready to show myself that I can and WILL do this!